Peer Review by Amy Stark (United States)

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Htrae's Heroes


Htrae’s Heroes
          Once upon a time, in another dimension there was a solar system called The Magical Way. In existence there was a planet named Htrae where mystical types of people and animals lived.  There were dragons who could talk and not fly, wizards who could cast magical spells on anyone, people who could fly without wings and many strange creatures.
          As per the saying –“In every world, if there is good there will always be evil. In Htrae, there was an organisation called The Ops. They are made up of creatures, animals and people each representing their kind. The Ops were the living beings who served only for the good of people. On the contrary, there was another organisation the HTB The Htrae’s Terrorism Board was thriving through a powerful and strong leader, The NOIL.

          Tom, and his twin Brother, Ron are orphans. Their parents were killed by Noil when they tried to retrieve The Scepter of Life. The special scepter had the power to kill anyone in the world within a second. It could kill the whole population or could even kill one living thing. Fascinatingly It also had the power to bring back lives. But the Scepter could only be used once by a person who possess a pure heart.
          Noil had stolen the Scepter from a powerful Wizard named Zo. But to his wretchedness he was not able to use the scepter. His heart was not pure. Noil’s only mission was to use The Scepter Of Life in order to take down the entire world except for HTB. Hence, Noil created HTB in order to find someone’s heart which was pure enough to use the scepter. After finding that living being, he would enslave it and make them use the powerful weapon.

          Ron and Tom were called the Twins Of Zo because Zo was their father. The twins went sent to the Wizard University at the age of 13. They graduated from Wizard University when they were 17 and became the most powerful Wizards in Htrae. They were famous all over Htrae and even joined The Ops. Even though Ron and Tom were rich, famous, and powerful, they were not greedy and helped everyone whether or not they were an animal or a human. They treated everyone equally. This inborne quality helped them to nurture their hearts pure.
          Ron and Tom had created a bucket list when they were just five years old. They wanted to get Nobel Awards, be like their parents and become the best wizards in Htrae. They had completed everything except one. That is to use The Scepter Of life to bring back their parents and destroy HTB.
          Ron and Tom decided to set off to complete their last wish but first, they had to know more about The Scepter Of Life. Hence, they went to the Library of Wizards, read every single book for days and months until they knew all the secrets about the scepter. Armed with the information and pure hearts the Zo twins set off to battle the almighty Noil and his organisation. Knowing Noil’s abilities, they took their wands, a freeze and smoke grenade and most importantly, a piece of ham. Ron and Tom then teleported themselves to the one place no one dared to enter - the land of the HTBs!

          Their arrival was greeted by the astounding wingless dragons. The dragons were ready to pounce on them, but the Zo twins had some tricks under their sleeves. Tom took his wand and said, “Make the wings appear.” Within a second or two, the Dragons had wings and were able to fly again but, they still had the intention to kill Ron and Tom but where were the boys? Ron and Tom swiftly sneaked into Noil’s black gold castle. The books they read before helped them find secret pathways into the castle. They  reached into Noil’s Dark magic room where the Scepter Of Life was but guarding it was the one and only Noil the Lion!
          It was the day when the wizard Zo was killed and hence it was declared a holiday for the people in the land of HTB. Thus, Noil had the duty to guard the Scepter on this day and the twins were very well prepared for it. Upon seeing them Noil roared and said, “Ahh, the twins of the great wizard Zo have come to redeem the Scepter Of Life!” There will be bloodshed to win this.” The Twins replied,” Let the battle begin.”

          Sparks flew everywhere while Noil tried to run away with the scepter. Noil used his sharp claws and scratched Ron on his hand so that he could not use his wand anymore. Feeling weak, Ron took the smoke grenade and ignited it with his left hand. The next second the whole place was hazy. Noil attempted to run away but he could not find the portal to get out. Once the smoke disappeared, Noil pounced onto Tom, took the freeze grenade and threw it towards him. Within the flap of a sparrow, Tom was frozen from head to toe. It was that moment when the twins realised that they were defeated. Noil glaringly growled while exclaiming,” I am invincible.” 
          Just as Noil was going towards the portal with the scepter, he sniffed a scent of ham. The greedy animal in him, dropped the Scepter and pounced towards the ham which Ron had thrown out from his bag. Within seconds Tom took the Scepter and shouted,” Your time is up Noil.” Then Tom used the Scepter and whispered, “Let all the Living HTBs in Htrae die forever.” A blue light from the Scepter hit Noil and he evaporated into thin air. The twins went out of the castle to see all the other HTBs evaporate. They then heaved a sigh of relief and headed back to their home.
          Rom and Tom also brought back their parents to life. Their family was whole once again, and they cried tears of joy. The Ops thanked The Twins for destroying the HTB and making Htrae live peacefully forever.
They all lived happily ever after.
                                                  The End.

Peer Review

The combination of the good and bad side software the planet specially the way they were placed in the world.

Yeah Tom and Ron's parents. I really want to know everything about them like what had actually happened to them and from where did they come from in the end.

Yes the part where it was written that Tom and Ron are Zo's twins and the places where the present and the past tense were kind of fussed.

This is a very good idea and this would make an amazing story and even a novel series. To take this story further,the author could get into details of Tom and Ron's parents and the sceptre and the HTB

Reviewer Comments

This is a very beautiful story but I am a bit confused due to its formation. There are times when present tense is used and suddenly past tense comes. I think this story should be rewritten in the correct tense. Otherwise this is an amazing story and I would strongly recommend the author to continue writing it.