Peer Review by Alek Ibarra (United States of America)

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Commotion Creation

By: Carlos Salgado


    The cars rushing around me, as the sun awoke. The noise irritated everyone. I had tried countless times to ignore the commotion outside, but it only got worse, until there was a vivid flash.
 
    It affected other people too. “What is happening?” I heard someone yell during the flash, “What is this?” another person asked. A few seconds later reality came back. Everything was twice as loud and the lights were blinding. All people wanted to do is leave; and somehow reverse whatever had happened.
 
    Controllable noise everywhere was always set to around half of how much it had been. Uncontrollable noise was avoided by everyone. Lights had also dimmed a lot to keep everyone’s eyes safe. It had worked for around an hour, until everything had gone triple as bright and loud. There was no explanation why. Through all the chaos it was easy to hear people talk. It seemed as if they were yelling. It seemed impossible to hear what anyone was saying. It was possible to hear people from across the freeway. Everyone tried to be as quiet as possible, but it was still deafening getting back home.
 
    The next morning was okay as long as not much noise was created. It was hard to have the television on, but it was kept on to hear if any news on the situation had appeared. No news had come until later that day. The news was terrible, “From now on, we want to reduce any noise. To reduce noise we want everyone to stop communicating with voices. We want people to stop talking and only communicate through the internet. In one month we don’t want anyone to talk at all.” The news changed everything. Humans have communicated through talking for thousands of years. Taking that away would change so many things. Everyone would be forced to use an alternative to talking. They would have to communicate through the internet.
 
    After the first few months, everything was going smoothly. It was until around four months after everything had changed. While still adjusting to everything that had changed, something terrible happened.
 
    I didn’t think anything new would happen anytime soon. It was until the loudest and brightest thing I have ever heard and seen had started coming from outside. I didn’t want to go and see what was happening.  After waiting for a few minutes, the realization came, “If I want to get rid of it, I have to get rid of it myself.” I had to go and stop the commotion outside. Getting rid of it might take hours. Before having to do the task of turning the noise and lights off, I had to find the source first.
 
    As I searched around, I realized that the source was at a small field in the area. Immediately I knew that turning the blaring noise and vivid lights off would be difficult. I tried to walk over to the source, but it seemed impossible. The noise and lights were too painful for my eyes and ears. After countless thoughts telling me to give up I decided to keep on going even if my thoughts told me not to.
 
    After a while, I started getting somewhat used to the sound. I started slowly walking towards it, with my head down trying to block out the sound as much as I could. A few long seconds later I realized that I had made it, I was at the source. It was a huge metal box that seemed around ten feet tall and seven and a half feet wide. There appeared to be no way to turn it off. I had already been outside for a few hours, so I couldn’t give up. I was about to walk away when I realized it was movable, Maybe I could flip it over. I thought. I tried a couple of times, when I managed to tip it over. There was nothing on the bottom of the box, but on the top, there were many mysterious buttons. “One of these have to stop the noise.” I wanted to stop the noise anyway I could, so I pressed many buttons within a few seconds. One of these buttons shut off the lights, but the noise continued. I pressed more of them, and eventually the noise stopped as well. I had managed to stop both the noise and lights.
 
    Hours later, something changed. My hearing and sight were returning to their original state before the flash. I heard the wind get quieter. I went outside to check, and every noise was back to how it was before the change. I turned on an unused flashlight and the brightness level appeared to be normal. Everything had returned to normal.
 
    My life has changed a lot in the past few months. Around three months ago, while stuck in traffic, it started. It started with the bright flash. The flash changed the noise and brightness levels to go around two times of how it was before. Later, the noise and brightness levels went up about three times as loud. A while after that, a loud and bright metal box was at a field near where I live. I figured out how to turn it off and everything went back to normal.


Message to Readers

I would like feedback on my choice of words and overall plot of the story.


Peer Review

This story makes me want to keep reading by all of the detail and all of the little things that happens in the story.


The author makes the story feel like a living person by adding things that you would see in a everyday life.


Some scenes that I would like to expand is when the character sees the metal box because there is not much detail explaining about the metal box.


Something that would help make the setting better is to add detail about the setting.


Some encouragement that I would have for the author is to keep doing what they are doing.


No additional comments.