Peer Review by Yesenia Aguirre (United States of America)

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immigration story

By: Giovanni Franco@hightechhigh.org


  Hi,i'm Ethan I had a normal life until my mom got deported.It all started when i was born
two Mexican parents but dad is from here but my was ́t. She spoke really good english it’s like she was from here.My mom works at restaurants and my dad work as an elementary teacher. I wonder why my mom works at a restaurant and why she why we would go on vacation without her. 
About two years ago was normal day I came back from school and baseball practice I was just laying on my bed until I heard my parents arguing about the rent it got so bad that left the house. My dad slammed the door so hard that it made the whole house shake. I we didn’t know what had happened to my mom for three days.When me my dad got the news that my mom got deported! I was shocked because my told me that she was from hare but i noticed that every time when i would talk about what they did as a kid my mom would always say that she was from hare but she went to school in mexico.  I said “how did my mom get deported”
 
 


Message to Readers

what would you fix,what do like about my story


Peer Review

I wanna know more about how Ethan's mom got deported and also a good description of how he felt.


pretend as if one of your family members gotten deported and how you would feel the story would be more intriguing and descriptive


I think you should talk about how you felt during the time that Ethan's parents were arguing.


I would actually like to learn more about the background of Ethan like where he lives or how the slammed door heard like. If you can, try to add metaphors .


I like that you put where the you got home from school. which shows me that Ethan likes to play baseball.


Reviewer Comments

copy your story into grammarly to help with your wording and a couple other little things like periods.