Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
The paragraph where Leona says she'll slit her brother's throat is so intense! I can almost feel that "electric" air between them as I'm reading!
Leona seems like a really strong, female lead. I think one thing in particular that could make her better would be the development of some internal conflict in the last paragraph, where she might still remember him as her loving brother, but at the same time knows she has to protect others from him. It would be cool to see how her love for her brother and her love for her people clash during the story.
One thing that might be helpful is placing the scene in the overall time frame of the story. Is it at the beginning, middle, or end of the story? To me, it doesn't seem like the end, but a chapter number or note on when the excerpt takes place might help to clarify where this scene falls in the story.
I think your detail is really good. Your visuals are excellent. If you wanted to add a few more details, focus on sound and touch. I can see the world you've created, but I feel as if I'm someone looking down from above. Immerse me in this scene. Help me to feel like I am truly a part of the action. Even little things, like the types of fabric the dresses are made of, would help to draw me in even more.
Your story is gripping! At the end, I was left hanging, and I had so many questions that I just can't wait to have answers! (Me after reading: Will William try to get revenge? What did he do to anger Leona so much? Why was Reena whipped? Is she OK? WOW!!!!)
I think conflict between siblings has a lot of potential for growth. Go exploring within their relationship! Take a look at their memories! I would definitely read more of this!