that one rat from ratatouille

United States

Reader / Writer
gender fluid she/they
Scorpio | INFP-T
Pansexual & Christian
No justice, no peace! No racist police <3
I can’t wait until I can truly love someone
Most of my pieces are really short | I’m sorry you have come across me

Message to Readers

hbu? what did you do?

I Suppose This Wasn't Completely Useless (first draft! review???)

December 2, 2020

I let my feet dangle in the air as I watch another car drive through our cul-de-sac. I peeled the vibrant skin off of the tiny mandarin in my hand in one go and watched it fall onto our driveway. Of course I’ll pick it up later; I’m not a monster. 
My dad’s pickup truck rocked as I lightly swung my legs. It was so hot. I couldn’t handle it, but I also didn’t want to be inside where the air was sticky and humid. So I breathed in the hot air and let it take over my lungs. I chewed on a mandarin and turned my gaze away from a family of four walking past our house. I didn’t want to seem like a creep. Instead, I took out my dad’s phone and played a random Daily Spotify Playlist playlist on low volume. The first song to come on was “House of Memories” by Panic! At The Disco. 
“Well that's depressing,” I muttered. 

I stopped typing away when I heard a familiar squeak downstairs. I rushed down the stairs to greet my father who had just got home from work. 
“Hey, Pops,” I said listlessly. I watched him take off his heavy shoes and waddle towards the couch. His back was treating him terribly. Just two nights ago, my mom had to rush him to the hospital. If those stupid pills aren’t helping him, why is he still taking it? 
“Hi, Iya.” My new nickname, since my little brother also could not say my name. 
I sat down next to him on the couch awkwardly and looked up at him with big eyes. He looked back down at me with a face. “You’re crazy,” he finally said. 
“Says you,” I shot back. We always had little arguments like this. “Hey, Pops?” He hummed in response. “I was wondering if I could go to a protest.” Last night, my friend had recently posted something on her Instagram story that piqued my interest. I usually don’t look at stories, but this one seemed important. A picture of a man and the hashtag #BLM was the first thing to show up. George Floyd was under the picture. I assumed that was the man's name. The next thing to pop up on the screen was a video. When the video ended, hot tears streamed down my face as I realized that I had just watched a man slowly die. 
The next afternoon I furiously texted my best friend about the video and the man and she informed me about a protest going on a few days after today. I was going to text her back until I heard a door squeak.
“Nah.” His answer was so immediate, it shook me to my core. 
“Well, why not?” 
“Because it’s dangerous. I can’t have you going to those types of places.” 
I knew I couldn’t argue with him about this, so I sighed heavily and went back upstairs. 

My inner organs felt as if they were being lifted. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster. I mean, I had only been to two roller coasters, but they were really fast. 
I had felt this feeling many times before and I was used to it, but I still hated it. I wagged my foot on my bed anxiously as I waited for the notification on the iPad. I had no desire to play a game or watch a funny video, anything that would relieve my stress. I just wanted to complete my first mission of the school year: Get rid of my progress report. 
It wasn’t that I hadn’t tried to get good grades this year, I did. I just knew that whatever grade I had wouldn’t be enough for my parents. Teachers nor parents didn’t see it, but school was inevitably harder online. We didn’t have the advantages that we had in-person. Like tutoring, physical notes, or the chance to copy off your friend’s homework in the morning just minutes before school started. I was just starting to realize how lucky I was before. 
I scoffed. “You really don’t know what you got ‘til you’ve lost it.” 
The sound shocked me out of my train of thought. I stared down at the message on my homescreen. T-1 Progress Report. 
I rushed to my mother’s email and refreshed the page before facing the email. I deleted it without hesitation. My hands trembled and twitched violently. I sighed and closed my eyes. I don’t know if I was relieved or some other unknown feeling. It wasn’t long until those guilty thoughts filled my brain. What if they weren’t that bad? What if they were, though? What if Pops sees it? 
I went to my mother’s archived emails and looked for myself. The grade I really wanted to see was Biology. I had stayed up late for countless nights finishing Bio homework because of how devoted I was to it. I knew I wasn’t that smart, but I still had hope. 
I opened the link and completely ignored every other subject before looking at Bio. I uncovered the grades which my hand was concealing. 

I finished typing up my story for the Creative Nonfiction Competition a few days ago. And to answer the question practically everyone has asked me: I really think that this pandemic has taught me to be grateful for what you have. It may not last. And to that, I say: this isn’t going to last either. I know for a fact that this year will be going in future history books, but to our generation, in the future, this year will seem like just another thing flying by in the wind. It may not feel that way now, but trust me, we will be back, we will talk about quarantine a lot, but we will also continue to live on. COVID-19 doesn’t define us and neither does all that we lost during it. So keep fighting.
A collection of things I did during COVID (each passage means something)


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  • December 2, 2020 - 12:50pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • happy butterfly

    replying: oh thank you:)
    *blows on tissue* you know you do! dudeim so happy you caught on,i loovvve greek mythology. dude i also had another reference "you say you've learnt love from the gods,then you haven't learnt love at all" and i was kinda dissappointed that no one got it lolll or maybe people were just not interested in it haha. and no you're not being weird at all:)

    about 2 months ago