Peer Review by J3llySk3lly (United States)

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Not-Quite-Quiet

By: Bluebird Celtic


FREE WRITING

Was not-quite-starless,
But starless still,
And hooting owls sang
Over the not-quite-quiet,
Empty, mill
As the lonely river ran
 
Through the wheel and through the while
With all the people gone
The wheel still turned
But no one cared,
And the starry night span on.
 
Towards a rugged, withered, rocky hill,
A castle, so I’m told
With magic knights long dead 
Now she’s visited
By the wind that brings the cold.
 
Further still, with a nip of snow
That whipped our fears away.
But the mountain streams
And mansion beams
Know the quiet’s here to stay.
 
And stay a while, it will, I think, 
Though they swear it’s not the case.
Still hollow streets
And days on repeat
Witness the losing of the faith.
 
And it’s lost, I tell you,
Though it might have been never found.
Who knows? Who knows?
But the nativity shows
Will die without their sound.
 
Was not-quite-starless
But starless still
And a hooting owl sang
Over the not-quite-quiet,
Empty, mill
As the lonely river ran.
 
 
 


Message to Readers

Trying something new, please review. Heh, that rhymes : )


Peer Review

This was fantastic, I was totally invested the whole way through. I love how in some spots you almost flipped wording around from how it would normally be written? It was filled with lots of contradiction while still being a coherent poem.


I think it could come to life if I knew a little more about the castle.


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